


Sibling Rivalry

by kimoi



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 16:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimoi/pseuds/kimoi





	Sibling Rivalry

\-- uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu] --  
UU: hello there, dearest brother of mine! ^u^  
uu: OH FuCK.  
uu: TO WHAT DO I OWE THE uTMOST DISPLEASuRE OF YOuR PERSISTANT BADGERING?  
UU: oh hUsh yoU!  
uu: AND I'M NOT YOuR BROTHER. STOP CALLING ME THAT.  
UU: it's more a formality than anything else!  
uu: WELL CuT IT THE FuCK OuT.  
uu: DID YOu NEED SOMETHING OR ARE YOu JUST HERE TO SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR YOu TO PISS ME OFF?  
UU: i wanted to ask yoU aboUt the hUmans!  
uu: WHAT THE EVER-LOVING SHIT WOuLD I HAVE TO SAY ABOuT THEM?  
uu: THEY'RE ALL AS DuMB AS A BAG OF HOOFBEAST EXCREMENT.  
uu: AND TWICE AS SMELLY.  
UU: i don't think yoU believe that at all!  
uu: AND YOuR ENDLESS KNOWLEDGE OF EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN MY THINK-PAN IS WHAT TOLD YOu THIS, HuH?  
UU: Uh-hUh! ^u^  
uu: RIGHT.  
uu: SO I GuESS SINCE IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE I'M GETTING RID OF YOu ANY TIME SOON, WHAT THE SHIT DID YOu WANT?  
UU: the hUmans!  
uu: I FuCKING GET THAT PART.  
uu: WHAT ABOuT THEM?  
UU: well, i've shown yoU my stories aboUt them, right?  
uu: AND THEIR SORDID LOVE AFFAIRS. YEAH.  
UU: yes, exactly those!  
uu: AND YOu WANTED MY OPINION, OR SOMETHING?  
uu: THEY'RE DuMB.  
uu: THERE.  
uu: OPINION DELIVERED.  
UU: no!! >:u  
UU: i wanted to know what yoU thoUght of how i paired them off!  
uu: WHAT.  
uu: WHY THE SHIT -  
uu: NO, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO HuMOR THAT WITH ANY SORT-OF RESPONSE.  
UU: oh come on!!!  
UU: it could be fUn!  
uu: TALKING TO YOu GIVES ME AN uLCER. HOW DO YOu CONSIDER THAT FuN?  
UU: yoU're sUre being difficUlt today!  
uu: AND YOu'RE SuRPRISED.  
UU: jUst irritated!!  
UU: pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? ^u^  
UU: i promise i'll leave yoU alone for a whole day if yoU'll jUst talk to me aboUt it!  
uu: FuCK. FINE.  
UU: yay!  
UU: okay so  
UU: yoU are already well aware that i enjoy pairing the little green adventUre boy with the orange cool kid  
uu: SEE, THAT'S WHERE YOu LOSE ME.  
uu: THE GREEN HuMAN BOY CLEARLY HAS THE EARTHLY HOTS FOR THE BLuE BAKING GIRL.  
uu: AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN  
uu: WHICH I'M NOT, OBVIOuSLY  
uu: SHE HAS THE EQuALLY HuMAN HOTS FOR HIM, TOO.  
UU: bUt clearly they were meant to be! ^u^  
uu: ARE YOu FuCKING KIDDING ME. LOOK AT HIM. HE’S A PARAGON OF FuCKING MANLINESS. THERE IS NO WAY IN ANY SORT-OF HELL, HuMAN OR OTHERWISE, THAT HE WOuLD EVER DREAM OF PuTTING HIS HANDS ON THAT FILTHY, GuN-TOTING CHILD.  
uu: LOOK AT THE FuCKING DIAGRAM I DID. CLEARLY YOu’RE ABSOLuTELY WRONG.  
\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] has sent the file [IRREFuTABLEPROOF.jpg](http://puu.sh/mTwJ) \--  
UU: ….all yoU did was draw some sort-of boat that says ‘dork/jerk’ on it and then drew yoUrself stabbing it! >:u  
uu: THE EVIDENCE NEVER LIES.  
UU: it's not even very good!!!  
uu: JuST BECAuSE I WASN'T TOuCHED BY THE DIVINE, SLIMY CLAW OF THE MOTHERGRuB TO HAVE THE AMAZING ARTISTIC ABILITY YOu DO DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS TRuE.  
UU: i don't care!! jUst becaUse yoU feel some special bond with TT becaUse he draws yoU those... dirty pictUres doesn't give yoU the right to pair him with someone he doesn't want to be with!  
uu: HEY.  
uu: DON'T YOu BRING THOSE PICTuRES INTO THIS.  
uu: THEY'RE FuCKING GREAT, OKAY?  
UU: they're pornographic!!  
uu: THAT'S THE FuCKING POINT.  
UU: hUff.  
UU: well, okay, i'll level with yoU!  
UU: tell me why yoU think dirk shoUldn't be with jake!  
uu: YOu REALLY WANT TO KNOW?  
UU: yes, please!!  
uu: WELL DOESN'T IT SuCK TO BE YOu.  
\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU] --


End file.
